Barclays are twats.

Ever wonder why small businesses get pissed off with banks? No, me either, until I heard of Matt's (my flatmate) conversation with them, at which point I realised that if/when I ever start my own business, I'm going to have to keep my money under my mattress, and only pay for things in warm, slightly crumpled piles of £5 notes.

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So I phoned Barclays as I don’t get how the internet banking works out our balance, and wanted it clarified. That was all fine, then this happened...

Barclays : Also, can I just confirm that you’ve received the letter advising you your free banking is coming to an end?

Matt : Yes I did, I was meaning to speak about it. I haven’t been receiving free banking, we’ve had a charge of £25 applied every month?

Barclays : Is that for business essentials?

Matt : Yes

Barclays : OK, that’s for the software you got when you signed up with us

Matt : Oh right, I don’t use that anymore, can I cancel that please?

Barclays : You’ve entered a 12 month contract, you can’t cancel it now.

Matt : No problem, well I’ve had the account for nearly 12 months now anyway, so can you just make sure it doesn’t renew?

Barclays : You’ll have to call back when it expires in February, but we need a months notice or it will renew for the whole year.

Matt : Well can’t I just give you 2 months notice by calling in December, like I’m doing right now?

Barclays : No sorry, it has to be one month before

Matt : Really?

Barclays : Yes

Matt : So it expires on the 12th February yeah?

Barclays : Yeah

Matt : And you’re saying I can’t cancel it now, but I also can’t cancel it in February, I have to tell you a month before?

Barclays : Yes

Matt : So I can’t tell you more than a month before, but if I tell you less than a month before, it renews for another year?

Barclays : Yes

Matt : So I have to phone you on the 12th January, I can’t phone on the 11th?

Barclays : Oh no, you can call anytime in January

Matt : So it can be more than a months notice then can’t it?

Barclays : What do you mean?

Matt : 1 month and 1 day is more than 1 month. I want to cancel it now, which is 1 month and several days. What’s the difference?

Barclays : errrr sorry we can’t take notice now

Matt : So what date can I call?

Barclays : Call in January

Matt : So on the 1st of January, what change happens that allows you to take notice from me, when at the moment you can’t?

Barclays : Errrr, I’m not sure, it’s just that we need around a months notice

Matt : And you don’t think that’s weird. So weird that it’s probably wrong?

Barclays : .....

Matt : Never mind

Barclays : So anyway, as your free banking is expiring I’ve been asked to book you in for your annual review with your business account manager, would you be happy to do that?

Matt : Yeah sure, no problem

Barclays : So you’ll have been with us for a year in February, so around then would be a good time for the meeting

Matt : Makes sense, how about the 3rd of February?

Barclays : OK, morning or afternoon?

Matt : How about 2pm?

Barclays : OK

Matt : Great, so if you just give me a call at exactly 2pm on January 3rd, I’ll put that in my diary.

Barclays : I’m sorry?

Matt : I need exactly 1 months notice to book a meeting, I can’t book any meeting more than a month in advance

Barclays : So you’d like me to call on January 3rd?

Matt : Yes, at exactly 2pm. Call any later and you won’t have given me enough notice and I won’t be able to see you for another year, any earlier and I won’t be able to put it in my calendar so you’ll just have to call back.

Barclays : .....

Matt : .....

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Genius.

ShortURL: http://project14.co.uk/b/20